Nerves?

I thought I'd comment on this, which was followed by this.

For the link-phobic: Grammy reporter Selene Branson garbles broadcast in bizarre fashion, appears to be inventing words, goes on Twitter later to claim it was "just the nerves". Without paying any heed to the battalions of blogonauts who've already diagnosed her with a medical dictionary's worth of complaints, how can I tell there's more to it than that?

OK, so for the first couple seconds, everything looks natural. Hearing herself mispronounce "heavy" takes her by surprise, and she corrects it. So far so good. Look at her reaction to "burtation". She doesn't realise that it's not a word. It's not until "daris... darison" that she thinks holy crap I can't control what I'm saying. That's when the momentary look of panic crosses her face, and her broadcasting training takes over and tells her: Bail Out.

"Let's go..." is automatic. Muscle memory controlling tongue muscles. But then... where are we going? Brain input required. She knows who we're going over to, because she doesn't hesitate, and she doesn't "uh". Instead she states it clearly and confidently, and using completely the wrong syllables.

Public speakers throughout history have been making nervous screw-ups, recognising them as such and apologising. I went on stage that time at the Ryton festival knowing exactly what I was going to say, and as soon as I opened my mouth my mind was blank. I was nervous. I was suddenly hyper-conscious of every possible way to get it wrong. The absolute last thing I was going to do was string pseudo-random phonemes together in the hope that they'd form words. (I bailed out.) My lack of experience in public speaking, perhaps? OK, take Miss Teen USA South Carolina. Now that's what it sounds like when someone is just talking until they think of something to say. And there's not a burtation in sight. Nerves make you sound... nervous. They don't detract from your ability to tell whether what you've said isn't what you meant; they enhance it.

Serene Branson wasn't nervous. She just lost the ability to tell whether what she was saying was what she was trying to say. It's a neurological thing called aphasia.

And I can sympathise, as a fellow sufferer. In my case, it's never affected my speech. But have you seen thsoe tsets on the inrtneet wrehe tehy jmulbe up the mldide lterets of all the wdros, and you can still read it because your brain recognises the word as a whole? When I get my classic migraines, I can't do that. (Not even with words spelt correctly.) I have to look at each letter in turn, like a four-year-old learning to read, and think what sound it makes, and try and hold all the sounds in my short term memory while I form them into a word. It's a nightmare - by any normal standard, I've lost the ability to read. I'm suffering from a particular manifestion of aphasia called alexia.

(You may consider this as proof that synthetic phonics is a packet of bollocks: I couldn't possibly comment...)

Inhabitants of the internet accusing Ms Branson of being drunk: Please shush.

Ms Branson: I recognised the look in your eyes when you realised you were fighting against your own brain. Please listen to your physician.