An overnegation is a sentence that, containing one negative too many, means the opposite of what was intended. They like to play Spot the Overnegation at Language Log. Here is one I spotted:
http://sports.nationalpost.com/2011/04/05/escobars-10th-inning-homer-caps-jays-rally/
"They’re [grown] to the point where there’s nothing that’s thrown in front of them that’s not insurmountable.”
Thursday, 7 April 2011
Saturday, 2 April 2011
Logical
When I was youngIt might be the fact that I basically lost tonight's chess game in six moves by mixing up two openings that I know inside out, or it might be the coffee. Either way, I'm in a cosmically bad mood, perfect for finishing off this post I'd saved in my drafts. See, something that really annoys me, always, is the supposed binarism that exists between Logic and Emotion. You know what I'm talking about. You can either be a logical person who makes decisions based on logic, or an emotional person who makes decisions based on emotions. This is BULLSHIT. EVERYONE wants to rearrange the world in ways that they think will result in favourable emotions, and EVERYONE uses logic to do so. If you lose the ability to do one or the other, you are fucked. You will cease to be able to function. If you were a truly logical person, you would never do anything. There is absolutely nothing that you logically must do in order for the planet to carry on existing. In fact there's nothing you can do to stop it from eventually not existing, so there.
It seemed that life was so wonderful
A miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical
And all the birds in the trees
They'd be singing so happily
Joyfully, playfully watching me
But then they sent me away
To teach me how to be sensible
Logical, responsible, practical...
OK, you say, but that's not really how people use the terms logical and emotional is it. When people call themselves logical, or its equivalent "rational", what they're really saying is, look at me, I have the ability to see through your emotive arguments and language and disregard them, for they are worthless. I was inspired to write this rant by a thing on BBC News about the future of nuclear power after Fukushima. The gist of it was: scientists agree that nuclear power should, logically, be perfectly safe. Unfortunately some "emotional" types have seen the scary news from Fukushima, and in a crisis emotion always wins over logic, god damn it! And therefore public opinion is turning against nuclear power. Stupid public, why can't they listen to logic?
Now I'm a fan of nuclear power. I wish more people would have faith in it. But what we have here is not logic vs. emotion, it's two alternative value systems. In one camp, people who believe that the greater good of humanity is best served by expanding our energy-generating capacity to better meet everyone's needs. In the other camp, people who believe that the greater good of humanity is best served by reducing the risk of harm to any individual human to as near to zero as possible. When you look at a nuclear power plant and see it as a risk, it makes perfect, logical sense to campaign for the building of new ones to be stopped. The conclusion follows naturally - rationally - from the premise. If you think the premise is faulty, challenge it. Calling it "emotional" is not challenging it. The more you use "emotional" as an insult, the longer you'll spend sitting in your ivory tower wondering why no-one listens to you.
How 'bout that Barack Obama? He has changed nothing! goes the cry. Everyone who voted for him was taken in by his inspiring rhetoric and forgot to think logically! Piffle. If Obama's policies were a carbon copy of Bush's, he would still be a better president. The image he projects, his persona, has a way of making people feel confident that their country is being run by someone who knows what he's doing. This is a good thing. Even if to certain people it makes no logical sense at all, because their value system doesn't place any importance on such messy, human attributes as inspiration and confidence.
When someone chooses to label themself a "rational person", the way I interpret that, rightly or wrongly, is that they are a dull, black-and-white sort of person who doesn't factor human happiness into their decisions.
(Snarky aside: It also amazes me how much time "rational" people seem to waste. Surely, if you're up there with Dr. Spock in the objectivity stakes, the cognitive dissonance between "I need to be doing X" and "I am not currently doing X" should be more than you can possibly handle? So why have you just sat on your ass for 24 hours playing World of Warcraft and forgetting to eat and not doing X? Oh I see - you felt like it.)
Logical is good. Emotional is good. They are meaningless without each other. Get over it.
Postcript: You know why else I hate "logical good, emotional maybe ok but not really for me thanks?" Because of the number of people who have internalised the moronic old chestnut "men are rational and women are emotional". To the point where "let's be rational about this" becomes a sort of code for "shut up, woman". I know I'm not the only person who feels angry about that one.
By the way, if you decide to leave a comment to the effect that "yes but if you look at the statistics, it turns out men tend to be more logical and women tend to be more emotional" then my very emotional reaction will be to cut off your hair, weave it into a rope and thrash you with it.
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Census
Dear Census organisers,
How many visitors are staying overnight here on 27 March 2011?
Overnight? Well there's the homeless Eskimo who's been staying with me for the past 3 months, but since he works the night shift at the fish-packing plant and only sleeps here during the day, he's not going to show up on your census.
What type of accommodation is this?
It's a Tyneside flat. It's one of two flats that look like a terraced house. That's not quite the same as a tenement flat, but it's not a terraced house either. I could put "in a purpose-built block of flats or tenement". Although purpose-built might be stretching it a little too. It's quite likely this place was assembled completely by accident.
What type of central heating does this accommodation have?
Useless.
What is your sex? Male / Female
There's no "Trans / Intersex / Other" option? That's appalling.
Do you stay at another address for more than 30 days a year?
I suppose I do...
What is that address?
OK, so I have a choice of "Another parent or guardian's address" or "Other". What does it mean by "another parent"? The parent other than the one you usually live with? Way to make me feel like a 12-year-old, census.
Do you look after, or give any help or support to family members, friends, neighbours or others because of... problems related to old age?
Yes. I'm 90 years old and suffer from Alzheimer's, and I allowed my great-granddaughter who's studying nursing to interview me as part of her coursework.
How would you describe your national identity? English / Welsh / Scottish / Northern Irish / British / Other, write in
I wouldn't describe my national identity as anything. I wouldn't describe my national identity. It's a silly, divisive concept. Could I get away with "Earthling"?
What is your ethnic group?
One of the choices is "Irish"? But that was a national identity a second ago? You're telling me that Irish is a distinct ethnic group to say, Scottish, but that a Nigerian, a Somalian and a black South African are all just "African"?
Could a British person tick "Any other White background" and write "Caucasian"? Because if Caucasian isn't an acceptable ethnic group on the grounds that the census people won't know whether you could have ticked the British box but didn't, it must be equally unacceptable for say, a Armenian? So they would have to specify that they're an Armenian, whereas a Senegalese CANNOT specify that they're a Senegalese or even a Francophone-African, they just have to tick "African".
Yeah, so earlier when I said this census was making me feel like a 12-year-old, I wasn't talking about the kind that comes in a whisky glass, but I am now.
What is your main language? English / Other, write in (including British Sign Language)
It's a good thing I don't have to write in British Sign Language as my main language, because the row of boxes isn't long enough.
How well can you speak English?
Eh, je ne comprends pas cette question. Ce boîte-ci, "Not at all" - ça veut dire "tres bien", n'est-ce pas?
Last week, were you: [working as an employee, etc]
I'm filling this census in on a Sunday, as per your instructions, so what I was doing last week depends whether I'm one of those people who think the week starts on Sunday.
How do you usually travel to work?
Since I occasionally get a lift to work, and always get a lift home, I use a car for more than 50% of all my to-and-from-work journeys combined. But since you've specified to work, the statistically correct answer is bus.
There are no more questions for Person 1.
That's a shame, I was enjoying that.
How many visitors are staying overnight here on 27 March 2011?
Overnight? Well there's the homeless Eskimo who's been staying with me for the past 3 months, but since he works the night shift at the fish-packing plant and only sleeps here during the day, he's not going to show up on your census.
What type of accommodation is this?
It's a Tyneside flat. It's one of two flats that look like a terraced house. That's not quite the same as a tenement flat, but it's not a terraced house either. I could put "in a purpose-built block of flats or tenement". Although purpose-built might be stretching it a little too. It's quite likely this place was assembled completely by accident.
What type of central heating does this accommodation have?
Useless.
What is your sex? Male / Female
There's no "Trans / Intersex / Other" option? That's appalling.
Do you stay at another address for more than 30 days a year?
I suppose I do...
What is that address?
OK, so I have a choice of "Another parent or guardian's address" or "Other". What does it mean by "another parent"? The parent other than the one you usually live with? Way to make me feel like a 12-year-old, census.
Do you look after, or give any help or support to family members, friends, neighbours or others because of... problems related to old age?
Yes. I'm 90 years old and suffer from Alzheimer's, and I allowed my great-granddaughter who's studying nursing to interview me as part of her coursework.
How would you describe your national identity? English / Welsh / Scottish / Northern Irish / British / Other, write in
I wouldn't describe my national identity as anything. I wouldn't describe my national identity. It's a silly, divisive concept. Could I get away with "Earthling"?
What is your ethnic group?
One of the choices is "Irish"? But that was a national identity a second ago? You're telling me that Irish is a distinct ethnic group to say, Scottish, but that a Nigerian, a Somalian and a black South African are all just "African"?
Could a British person tick "Any other White background" and write "Caucasian"? Because if Caucasian isn't an acceptable ethnic group on the grounds that the census people won't know whether you could have ticked the British box but didn't, it must be equally unacceptable for say, a Armenian? So they would have to specify that they're an Armenian, whereas a Senegalese CANNOT specify that they're a Senegalese or even a Francophone-African, they just have to tick "African".
Yeah, so earlier when I said this census was making me feel like a 12-year-old, I wasn't talking about the kind that comes in a whisky glass, but I am now.
What is your main language? English / Other, write in (including British Sign Language)
It's a good thing I don't have to write in British Sign Language as my main language, because the row of boxes isn't long enough.
How well can you speak English?
Eh, je ne comprends pas cette question. Ce boîte-ci, "Not at all" - ça veut dire "tres bien", n'est-ce pas?
Last week, were you: [working as an employee, etc]
I'm filling this census in on a Sunday, as per your instructions, so what I was doing last week depends whether I'm one of those people who think the week starts on Sunday.
How do you usually travel to work?
Since I occasionally get a lift to work, and always get a lift home, I use a car for more than 50% of all my to-and-from-work journeys combined. But since you've specified to work, the statistically correct answer is bus.
There are no more questions for Person 1.
That's a shame, I was enjoying that.
Friday, 25 March 2011
Class
Because income alone is no longer a reliable indicator, here is Hazyshade's Controversial Post-Economic Guide To Determining Your Social Class.
Middle Class
Middle Class
You are genuinely polite, able to put people at ease, and willing to consider everyone’s point of view no matter how bad their grammar is. Your typical pastimes: volunteering at local charities (and giving money to them without telling anyone), shopping online, getting very responsibly pissed with your middle-class friends and waking up in each other's beds to the amusement of all concerned. You read: books (and get your news from the BBC). Your favourite non-car mode of transport: train.
Lower Middle Class
You are a shameless snob who does everything the propah way (the environmentally conscious way if you like to think of yourself as left-wing, or the moral way if ditto right-wing) and spend a lot of your time “nudging” people into doing likewise. Your typical pastimes: admiring your collections of dull ornaments, shopping at proper local boutiques, giving money to charity as visibly as possible to encourage everyone else to follow your example, correcting people’s grammar. You read: either the Guardian or the Torygraph, again depending on whether you like to think of yourself as left- or right-wing. Your favourite non-car mode of transport: bicycle (left) or feet, typically accompanied by dog (right).
(Needless to say, yours is the only social class that still believes the terms left- and right-wing actually mean something.)
Upper Working Class
Upper Working Class
You are a humble worker who takes pride in your work and are content with what you have, while still believing in your own capacity to improve both yourself and your immediate surroundings. You believe in living and letting live. Your typical pastimes: sitting around in pubs, shopping at good old-fashioned out-of-town megamalls, going to sporting events, doing the ironing with the radio on. You read: the Independent/i, or the Sun if you’re in the mood for amusing headlines and/or boobs. Your favourite non-car mode of transport: bus.
Working Class
You are a humble worker who drones on and on about rich bankers, political correctness gone mad, how Britain’s going to shit, and how no-one has any business trying to be something they’re not. Your typical pastimes: looking unimpressed, slagging off your boss, avoiding any physical contact with other working-class people in case it makes you either gay or a cheating scumbag/whore. You read: the Metro, the Daily Mail. Your favourite non-car mode of transport: taxi.
Upper Class
You aren't reading this blog.
Working Class
You are a humble worker who drones on and on about rich bankers, political correctness gone mad, how Britain’s going to shit, and how no-one has any business trying to be something they’re not. Your typical pastimes: looking unimpressed, slagging off your boss, avoiding any physical contact with other working-class people in case it makes you either gay or a cheating scumbag/whore. You read: the Metro, the Daily Mail. Your favourite non-car mode of transport: taxi.
Upper Class
You aren't reading this blog.
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Songs
Inspired by the ubiquitous 30-day song challenge on facebook, it's:
Hazyshade's 30-Minute Song Challenge
Hazyshade's 30-Minute Song Challenge
- 0:01 Your favorite song: Muse - Knights of Cydonia
- 0:02 Your least favorite song: Peter, Bjorn and John - Young Folks (dear GOD, that whistling would sound horrible even if it was perfectly in tune)
- 0:03 A song that makes you happy: Blondie - Sunday Girl (doubly so when I watch the video <3 <3 <3 ^_________^)
- 0:04 A song that makes you sad: Vangelis - Conquest of Paradise (the triumphant bits make the sad bits sadder. And I'm a sucker for Eb minor...)
- 0:05 A song that reminds you of someone: Jerry Herman - It Only Takes A Moment (from Hello, Dolly!) (not telling who)
- 0:06 A song that reminds you of somewhere: Lovin' Spoonful - Summer in the City (New York)
- 0:07 A song that reminds you of a certain event: Ana Johnsson - Don't Cry For Pain (the time I was trying to stay warm in -10C temperatures when the heating was broken by curling up next to the electric heater and this song was looping on a laptop in Gorka's room next door)
- 0:08 A song that you know all the words to: Rush - YYZ (ha)
- 0:09 A song that you can dance to: Whigfield - Saturday Night (by the way, the NUGSS version of the dance is better than the official version)
- 0:10 A song that makes you fall asleep: Radiohead - No Surprises
- 0:11 A song from your favorite band: Moxy Früvous - Darlington Darling
- 0:12 A song from a band you hate: Does this mean "a song you like from a band you hate"? In that case: Metric - Succexy
- 0:13 A song that is a guilty pleasure: Santamaria - Castelos na Areia (although Sunday Girl would be a good candidate too)
- 0:14 A song that no one would expect you to love: Opeth - Death Whispered a Lullaby
- 0:15 A song that describes you: Mika - Lollipop
- 0:16 A song that you used to love but now hate: Hanson - MMMBop
- 0:17 A song that you hear often on the radio Alphabeat - Boyfriend (ok so this is from the last time we had a radio in the office, which was a couple years ago...)
- 0:18 A song that you wish you heard on the radio: Interpreting this one as "something really good that you would never actually hear on the radio": Enigma - Principles of Lust/Sadeness Part I (warning: seriously sexy video)
- 0:19 A song from your favorite album: Belle & Sebastian - I'm a Cuckoo (from Dear Catastrophe Waitress) (album version with better sound but no video)
- 0:20 A song that you listen to when you’re angry: Emerson, Lake and Palmer - Tarkus (uh, warning, it's 23 minutes long ^_^)
- 0:21 A song that you listen to when you’re happy: Yes - Cinema/Leave It [Live]
- 0:22 A song that you listen to when you’re sad: The Specials - Ghost Town
- 0:23 A song that you want to play at your wedding: Josh Groban - You Raise Me Up
- 0:24 A song that you want to play at your funeral: John Stainer - The Mystery of the Intercession (not to make any particular statement, simply because it's my favourite hymn)
- 0:25 A song that makes you laugh: Da Vinci's Notebook - Me Pants Fall Down - NB the song starts at 0:14 and it isn't the whole thing, you'll have to Spotify that.
- 0:26 A song that you can play on an instrument: Steve Howe - Clap (on piano, with difficulty!)
- 0:27 A song that you wish you could play: Rick Wakeman - "Rick Wakeman Keyboard Solo" - there have been other keyboard solos by Rick Wakeman, but this is THE Rick Wakeman Keyboard Solo
- 0:28 A song that makes you feel guilty: Toto - Anna
- 0:29 A song from your childhood: Len - Steal My Sunshine
- 0:30 Your favorite song at this time last year: Sash! - Ecuador
Friday, 18 March 2011
DREU
I have invented the Day-Ruining Equivalent Unit to measure the badness of bad days.
1 DREU is the amount of shite that would suffice to ruin your day by itself, even if the rest of the day was utterly average.
(Since the badness of days is a subjective assessment, what qualifies a day as ruined is a subjective measure, to be defined by the individual affected.)
As an example, I'll take a day completely at random, like yesterday:
Losing a travelcard and having to take a half day off work to sort it out: 1 DREU. Coming to the conclusion that I couldn't sort it out because I didn't have the insurance document, and would therefore be out of pocket to the tune of £420: 2 DREUs. Walking 10 miles in the course of a day, ending up physically exhausted: let's say ½ a DREU. Being asked to write a report on a chess match, but getting to South Shields half an hour late mostly as a result of my own incompetence and missing the entire Board 1 game: 1 DREU. Total badness: 4½ DREUs.
Hopefully those people that I moaned at over the course of the day will be reassured to know that there came a point after which I just found the whole experience hilarious :-)
1 DREU is the amount of shite that would suffice to ruin your day by itself, even if the rest of the day was utterly average.
(Since the badness of days is a subjective assessment, what qualifies a day as ruined is a subjective measure, to be defined by the individual affected.)
As an example, I'll take a day completely at random, like yesterday:
Losing a travelcard and having to take a half day off work to sort it out: 1 DREU. Coming to the conclusion that I couldn't sort it out because I didn't have the insurance document, and would therefore be out of pocket to the tune of £420: 2 DREUs. Walking 10 miles in the course of a day, ending up physically exhausted: let's say ½ a DREU. Being asked to write a report on a chess match, but getting to South Shields half an hour late mostly as a result of my own incompetence and missing the entire Board 1 game: 1 DREU. Total badness: 4½ DREUs.
Hopefully those people that I moaned at over the course of the day will be reassured to know that there came a point after which I just found the whole experience hilarious :-)
Monday, 14 March 2011
Caps
Do you recognise this logo?
If you walk around in public for any length of time, you'll probably see it on five different heads. It's been made oh so fashionable by the likes of the Limp Biscuits and Mr. Jay Zed.
If you buy one of these caps, you are giving money to the Evil Empire. (Admittedly, they have never actually set a big pile of fossil fuel on fire for the hell of it, or paid third world children a dollar a day to cut rainforests down. Their evilness mostly stems from the fact that I don't personally like them.)
However, if you buy one of these instead
or these
or even these
three things will happen:
Baseball, by the way, is a wonderful game, and cannot possibly be compared to a kind of rounders where they couldn't hit the ball so they made the bats bigger, and then they couldn't catch the ball so they all put massive gloves on...
If you walk around in public for any length of time, you'll probably see it on five different heads. It's been made oh so fashionable by the likes of the Limp Biscuits and Mr. Jay Zed.
If you buy one of these caps, you are giving money to the Evil Empire. (Admittedly, they have never actually set a big pile of fossil fuel on fire for the hell of it, or paid third world children a dollar a day to cut rainforests down. Their evilness mostly stems from the fact that I don't personally like them.)
However, if you buy one of these instead
or these
or even these
three things will happen:
- You will look like a cool, individual kind of person
- You will make the Yankees $10 poorer, which will make them think twice about offering another $100,000,000 contract to some All-Star reserve outfielder who'll keep them qualifying for the playoffs at Toronto's expense every darn year until 2050
- You will allow me to tick off another team on my rather geeky quest to spot all 30 Major League baseball caps outside North America. So far I've got 13: Y*nk**s, Red Sox, Tigers, Astros, Reds, White Sox, Dodgers, Giants (Giants was an interesting one, I could see from behind that the inebriated gentleman peeing on a fence at the Edinburgh Festival was wearing a Major League cap, but to get a glimpse of it from the front required greater nerve than usual), Padres, Angels, Braves, Athletics, Mets. There was also the time when I'm afraid I failed to greet my friend Will with my usual exuberance, because I was double-checking that the young lady on the opposite side of the crossing was actually wearing a Texas Rangers t-shirt. I don't know if I should count t-shirts.
Baseball, by the way, is a wonderful game, and cannot possibly be compared to a kind of rounders where they couldn't hit the ball so they made the bats bigger, and then they couldn't catch the ball so they all put massive gloves on...
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